Watch Out For Your Inner Gremlins
Did you ever tell someone about an ambitious goal, and hear them say: "You can't do that!"? This is a rhetorical question, of course. We have all encountered parents, teachers, and friends who discouraged us from trying out crazy ideas. Sometimes it was for the better. Trying out sky-diving in the third grade is probably not the best idea after all. Other times, a loved one might try to talk you out of a worthwhile cause. A chemist friend of mine, who is a senior scientist in a pharmaceutical company, received little support from his family when he applied for graduate school. When he told his parents he wanted to get a PhD, they shook their heads: "You'll never make it, son."
Have you heard about the book "Taming Your Gremlin" by Rick Carson? Gremlins are voices inside your head telling you that you cannot do something. For example, "Who am I kidding in this kick-boxing class?" or "What was I thinking applying to a PhD program?" Negative inner voices might be remnants from well-meaning advice you received as a child, or perhaps they are your own creation. The trouble is that it is much tougher to get rid of your inner critic than real people. You always carry your inner voice with you, and it talks to you all day whether you realize it or not. Carson has a myriad of techniques to deal with gremlins in your head, but for the purpose of this blog, I'll keep it simple. The first step is to realize that this is just a voice, not reality. "Don't believe everything you think", in other words. Second, give it a name, such as "the gremlin" or "the witch". This way, you distance yourself your inner critic. According to some experts, negative inner voices have evolved to protect us crazy ideas (graduate school, perhaps?). According to Carson, the next step is to play with your options. If you think you'll never make it through graduate school, it is time to question that critic. "Well, why not?" Is it because you don't have enough funding? Is project not giving you desired results? Is your supervisor unsupportive? Once you pinpoint the reason that you feel you will not make it, you can actually take action.
Questions, comments, or funny stories about your gremlins? We would love to hear from you! Simply click the orange "Reply" button on this blog. (You just be logged on the see the button).
Wishing you the best,
Dora Farkas, PhD, Founder, PhDNet
Author: "The Smart Way To Your PhD:200 Secrets From 100 Graduates."
Now Available in Kindle and Softcover!
Reaching Out Across Cyberspace
Happy President's Day!
If you are among the lucky ones who get this holiday off (did someone just say "holiday", what's that?), then I hope you are reading this blog after a relaxing three-day weekend. For the rest of us, it is perhaps an opportunity to get some work done, especially if it is more quiet in the office than usual. I remember looking forward to holidays as a graduate student, not necessarily because I would get a break, but because I viewed them as time to catch up. No classes, meetings or seminars. Wow, what a great time to prepare PowerPoint slides for my upcoming presentation! Yet, on holidays I frequently did not accomplish as much as I had hoped. Although not everyone was away, those quiet days were also lonely. It is tough to be motivated and creative in a vacuum. (Okay, I know that for those of you who are working and studying, not to mention possibly parenting, silence is the ideal vacation, but bear with me.)
While a few hours of uninterrupted work can do wonders for your experiment, manuscript, or thesis, it is tough to concentrate all day without some type of human interaction during your breaks. Internet chatting has received some bad rep, because it replaces the personal touch of face-to-face communication, but online forums can give you the much needed social interaction when no one else is around. Of course, I am not suggesting that you use precious time for online chatting. That's called procrastination. Instead, think of online forums as additional resources to reach out to someone who is or has gone through the same journey as you. Your primary resources should still include your supervisor, group members, and other professors in the department. On days when you just need to blow some steam off or post an anonymous question, however, an online forum could be the right place. (By the way, for anonymous questions that are related to ethics or your university's policy, I highly recommend talking with your school's Ombudsman, a neutral mediator who is obligated to keep your conversation confidential.)
Besides Gradshare, there are several other online forums for graduate students:
http://chronicle.com/forums/
http://www.studentforumonline.com/
http://www.gradschoolforum.com/
http://www.phinished.org/
For those of you on Facebook, visit PhDNet's group by visiting:
http://www.phdnet.org/facebook.html
Wishing you the best,
Dora Farkas, PhD, Founder, PhDNet
Author: "The Smart Way To Your PhD:200 Secrets From 100 Graduates."
Now Available in Kindle and Softcover!
Happy Valentine
Happy Valentine's Day!
Valentine's Day is a wonderful opportunity to show love for special people in your life: your spouse, your children, your friends, and family members. But...Valentine's Day is a double-edged sword. Besides having to spend half a paycheck on a dozen roses, Valentine's Day can also lead to tension in an otherwise healthy relationship. On Valentine's Day many years ago when I was in graduate school, I had lunch with a few students and professors.
"Are you and Terry doing anything special today?"- I asked one of my friends.
"I was going to get her roses, but they are so expensive, I think she'll get mad at me if I get them. Or maybe not...I am not sure."
"I know what you mean," replied a female professor. "My husband and I have a wonderful relationship, but we have a fight almost every Valentine's Day. It seems like that's the only time of year we get mad at each other, and it is almost guaranteed we'll have a fight that day. I think the problem is with all of these expectations."
Unmet expectations leading to disappointment and even tension...sounds familiar? It seems like not managing expectations is the root of so many professional and personal problems, especially in graduate school. You think you will have a straightforward thesis project, but six years down the road, you still have no coherent story. You think you will have a supportive boss, but he ignores you or checks on you more frequently than you can tolerate. You think you found the love of your life, but on Valentine's Day he/she cannot go on a date, because they have to work late or study for their qualifying exam, which is the following day. During my lunch time conversation in graduate school, someone mentioned that the most number of romantic breakups occur on Valentine's Day.
In some ways, the way we handle disappointments on Valentine's Day mirrors the way we handle frustration in life. If something is not working, we can accept it with bitterness, leave it altogether or try to make it better. The last option takes the most work, at least on the short run. It seems so much easier to do nothing or just leave graduate school altogether than to make sense of reams of data or improve your relationship with your supervisor. Yet, the long-term benefits of striving for a worthy cause (e.g. finishing your degree so you can become a professor) will probably outweigh the amount of effort you have to put it now to make things better. Think about it, how much longer would it take to finish your degree if you started over in another group? (Of course, there are situations where it is better to start over than to fight it out - use your own judgment.)
During the writing of my book I asked a young aeronautics engineer how he handled stress in graduate school. He replied: "I had some tough, very tough, times in grad school. But now I realize that it was during these truly tough times that I learned the most. Whenever I encounter a difficult situation now, I just focus on what I can learn from it."
Wishing you the best,
Dora Farkas, PhD, Founder, PhDNet
Author: "The Smart Way To Your PhD:200 Secrets From 100 Graduates."
Now Available in Kindle and Softcover!
Do You Ever Feel Ignored by Your Supervisor?
I recently received a question through http://www.benchfly.com from a graduate student who was desperate because he felt ignored by his PI (PI= principal investigator, another word for advisor). His advisor never spoke to him and acted like he was not there. As a senior student, he was upset because he needed his advisor's support to graduate, but he felt like his PI gave up on him completely. Although I do not know the situation completely, my guess is that there was a communication gap between this student and his advisor. While many PI's are too busy to give their students focused attention on a regular basis, they are very interested in seeing their students succeed.
What can you do when you feel like you are not getting enough guidance? One option is to look for guidance elsewhere. More experienced students, post-docs, scientists and professors in your department can probably give you advice on scientific problems. But there comes a point when your advisor's input becomes crucial. In the early years, you need to discuss the direction of your thesis with your advisor to make sure you are in agreement about your research plan. Later on, when you encounter forks or obstacles in the road, your PI's advice will come in handy as well. Finally, when you are ready to graduate, your advisor's support regarding your job search (e.g. letters of recommendation, industry and academic contacts) will be much needed.
Given how busy advisors are, however, it can be very frustrating to wait for him or her to approach you. The reality is that it is up to you to initiate conversations, and if your advisor is very busy, you might need to be quite persistent. The preferred way of communication is, of course, in person. Approach your advisor with your questions, or request a time to meet. If you have a busy advisor, there is a good chance that at the appointed time he will be preoccupied with something else. A young professor recently said to me: 'I never understood why professors were so busy until I became one too. I am literally triple-booking myself most of the time."
Be sure that you are thoroughly prepared for your meeting, so even if your PI can only give you 5 minutes it will be productive. As an example, consider the case of a student who put a collaborating professor's name on a poster. When he approached her to get her approval for the abstract submission, she said:" Sorry, I do not have time to read all your data right now." Fortunately, the student was prepared and replied: "That's okay I already summarized the data in the abstract so you just need to read that." She replied: "Oh, it is just your abstract? Yeah I can look over that right now."
If you have a micromanaging or overbearing PI, you might feel envious of students who feel ignored. But there is a good chance that at one point your PI will be too busy to hold your hand. When that time comes (if it has not already), be sure to take charge of your thesis. After all, the purpose of graduate school is to teach you to be an independent researcher. When you need your advisor's support, however, be sure to ask for it assertively, and prepare thoroughly for your meetings.
Wishing you the best,
Dora Farkas, PhD, Founder, PhDNet
Author: "The Smart Way To Your PhD:200 Secrets From 100 Graduates."
Now Available in Kindle and Softcover!